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To a therapist, relationship counselling is usually the most demanding of all therapies as, rather than just one client, there are two, and by the very nature of the situation, there is a difficult situation. However, it is also most rewarding, as being able to effectively help a couple negotiate their pain and differences and come to a peaceful resolution can have a hugely positive impact on the rest of their lives.

As with any counselling, it is absolutely essential that your therapist establish rapport with you as a client, and in couple counselling this aspect is crucial so that each of you feels encouraged to express problems and thoughts, and feels listened to, empathised and understood by your counsellor.

It is also important that the counsellor remains non-biased, or at the very least, supportive of each partner. At its best, counselling will help you explore the potential of your relationship, no matter how bad it seems to be in at present.

After you have expressed what your issues, concerns and feelings are, a good relationship counsellor will give you insight into what underlying patterns and dynamics may be at the root of the problems. He or she will also normalise patterns where need be so you will have a better understanding of how common your particular issues are.

While it’s necessary to have the opportunity to let out the issues each of you hold, it’s equally important to work in the positives, as too much negativity is almost always a factor when a couple have been experiencing problems for awhile.

This is done in two parts. Firstly is to think about and appreciate what positive things and strengths that are already in your relationship -to acknowledge and celebrate them (the fact that you both came to relationship counselling to improve your relationship means at the very least you both value it).

Secondly, it’s important to create a positive plan to improve or overcome the issues each of you are experiencing. I usually do this by encouraging each person to think about what are their Top 5 “asks” on their Positive Want list, that if they were to happen would make them very happy with their relationship. (These are usually their issues turned into an “ask” in a positive way.) In this way, we can often resolve the problems for each partner in a positive and reciprocal manner. Then each one can be worked through beginning with the foremost priority for each person.

When a new plan of action for each person is agreed upon, it’s important as a partner to respect these new vows, and for the counsellor to remind you and keep you accountable, as well as to be supportive of any challenges you may be experiencing. Ultimately, actions will speak louder than words as you work towards an improved relationship, and your relationship counsellor will encourage and support you as you move closer toward that goal.

Need help? For relationship counselling Brisbane or relationship counselling Sydney talk to Hart Relationship Counselling. Our relationship counselling Sydney centre is located for your convenience in the CBD Medical Centre in Pitt Street Sydney.