Australian Travel

Across Australia, it is estimated between 22 and 40% of married men and between 11-25% of married women who have been involved in an affair at any one time. On the Gold Coast, with a transient population and facade of a glamourous lifestyle on offer, the figures are considerably higher.

Secrecy and deception are what it’s all about when an affair is occurring, and so when it’s discovered, the betrayal of trust in the relationship is the most difficult issue for a partner to cope with.

Can a relationship or marriage survive an affair? A marriage or relationship can definitely be helped after an affair, but it does take much work by both partners, particularly the partner who has cheated. Marriage Counselling over at least the medium term is an absolute must in order to rebuild the trust and the relationship.

The marriage counselling needs to discuss the following 5 points in order to fully recover from an affair:

1. The affair must stop. The partner having the extra relationship must commit to having no more contact, in any form, if the marriage is to survive and rebuild.

2. The partner who has been hurt must be given the opportunity to express their feelings and it’s important for the affair partner to listen, accept and validate those feelings, and also to reassure their partner that he or she wants and values their relationship.

3. The partner who was involved in the affair must take on the responsibility to rebuild trust by being transparent and accountable. This means comings and goings are knowable at any time and they be willing to have phone and emails checked at any time. This will need to continue for as long as it takes for the partner to feel that the trust has been rebuilt, usually up to approx. six months.

4. Uncover the underlying cause. Both partners do need to explore why the affair happened so that it doesn’t reoccur in the future.

5. Forgive. For this to happen, the partner who has had the affair needs to be deeply sorry for what he or she has done, as well as have true empathy for the hurt the partner has experienced.

In addition, there needs to be a commitment and planning for a better future together. Only then is it possible for the other partner to be able to forgive completely.

Looking for marriage counselling in your city? For marriage counselling Gold Coast or marriage counselling Melbourne, contact Hart Relationship Counselling today. HRC16AUG2011